kiwigamer

I was supposed to start freelancing again yesterday. The only thing I did was check email for a client lol... I dunno, I just didn't feel very motivated which is not a great way to start the first working week. However, I feel alot more energised today so I'm hoping to really get back into the groove again :)

I'm happy with how Game Culture is coming together too. I think I am writing alot more about the intricacies of playing a game, why I play it, what I enjoy about it and what I don't alot more honestly than I would in a review. That's partially because I'm writing for me and not a magazine and partially because I get alot more room to write anything I want without a word count. It's quite liberating in fact. I'm enjoying it alot.

Wow, it has been a pretty hectic couple of days back at the desk. Whilst I officially don't start work until next week (I think lol), I have made headway on changing my websites so they are focused more on what I want and what I really want to say and do with everything.

So far Game Culture (www.gameculture.co.nz) is really shaping up. I've removed all the advertising and things that I had up on the site last year. I've decided to focus solely on what I think about gaming more than what everyone else is doing. I feel in a way that I am leaving behind a part of myself by turning my back on the community a little this way. But I need to start focusing on what's real and why I love what I do, not what everyone else is doing.

This was a huge focus of my life from 2007 - 2008. Now it's really time to change all that starting with two of my biggest passions, writing and gaming.

Onward and upward!

I have changed the name of my journal to reflect my focus for 2010. Being a journalist is a huge part of who I am so focusing on writing is what I need to do.

So it's 2010. So many new hopes and dreams, plans and promises will be made, kept, broken and forgotten. What do you hope for in 2010? As for me, well it's pretty obvious. I don't hope for alot, actually. I would like more work as a writer this year which I am confident I will get. I'd like my focus as a games journalist to change, though. I am no longer content with being part of something for the love of it. Let's face it, I've been doing that for seven years now. It's about time I started receiving something a little more realistic than a couple of free games to review.

I feel like I want to yell it out at the top of my lungs but I can't. That wouldn't be prudent and nobody would listen... but inside a fire burns that I feel I will never be able to feed. Instead, it is stifled and at times it truly feels like it's about to burn out.

Maybe that's just how it is as a writer. Sometimes I am left examining exactly what that means. What does it mean to be a writer? It is a journey never-ending yet consistently waivering. It is a way to make a living that's fulfilling and humbling all at once. It's a means of expression and a way to give back to something you love. It is life.

Well, kind of. One of my clients emailed me yesterday saying that he had changed some things on one of the websites I administer so I can now add more content to the site. That means I'll probably be working through off and on but that's OK because it means I'll make money for the New Year :) Working as a contractor is a whole lot different to being a 9 to 5'er and takes some getting used to. For instance, you don't get any benefits like holiday pay or redundancy or anything like that. The upside is you can charge your own fees for your work and usually you end up earning more in the long run. So there are pros and cons to the situation. I enjoy it mainly because it gives me the freedom to literally work when I want be it as early as 7am in the morning or as late as 10pm at night.

The only thing I want now is more of it. So, I'm going to be actively looking for more freelance work next year that's for sure.

I managed to finish all the reviews I had to write yesterday and the rest of the smaller articles today for the gaming magazine. I also went to the media screening of Avatar which was just absolutely fantastic! I don't think I've seen a movie quite as detailed or as visually stunning in quite some time if ever. James Cameron should be proud. I wrote a review of the movie over at my Pop Culture Reviews website which I am thinking of changing again.

I've also been thinking about my gaming site which I started this year. I don't think it's going in the direction I want it to so I think I might revert back to what I was doing originally on PCR and make that website the main one that I use. I might keep the other domain for a bit and just use it as a dumping ground for random gaming thoughts like a real blog rather than a review site. And I'll eventually just phase out all the reviews from that site and shift them back to Pop Culture Reviews.

It's all a bit of mess now, actually. I'm creatively in a state of transition and it shows in my online presence. I initially thought my gaming website would be doing a whole lot better than it has but I just don't have the energy to maintain more than one. PCR has been around for a couple years now so it's more established as far as time online is concerned. I'll update the theme and see if I feel differently about it then.

I don't know what I'll do with LiveToWrite either. It's a nice site to show people my profile of work for job applications and such but I don't really update it a whole lot. And now that I'm dumping all of my random thoughts here in LJ again, I don't really need yet another writing blog. Initially it was going to be a place where I would upload all my writing and various magazine covers/pieces like a portfolio but I've been very slack.

Ho-hum, what to do, what to do...

I have no idea why I do this to myself every month. I guess I must love working under pressure because I have a deadline for the magazine tomorrow and I'm only half way through the content! Thing is I always manage to nail the work on deadline and never go over (which is kinda strange, hence why I think I am the type of person that works well under pressure).

The other issue is that it's pressure I apply to myself. As I work from home and I am entirely freelance, I don't have a real 'boss' hanging over my shoulder as you would in an office situation. The only people I am really accountable to is my client or the editor and myself for everything else.

And here I am writing about it on LJ lol! I really am strange at times...

So I decided to contact Atomic magazine about contributing to their gaming mag. I guess I'll let you know how that goes. Either way, I feel revived about my focus on writing.

I feel good about it all. I am looking forward to the year ahead with renewed hope in my ability :)

Deadlines be damned :P